TRUTH EXISTS
In this life I have the mission of finding and sharing Truth and wisdom. Thus far, I have only ever accomplished that on the smallest of scales. I am grateful to have been the catalyst for understanding in many of the people I meet offline. I'm ill-suited to social media or the internet. I am always learning, and I want to make it clear that I don't believe I have found all the answers to everything. That said, I have yet to find many who surpass my self-understanding. I have spent the last 25 years doing little but surviving and searching for deeper understanding anywhere I could. I initially came at it from the belief that I knew nothing and could trust nothing that I had yet seen. Now I have things that I consider to be true in a real sense. I hope I'm not overstating my accomplishments, but let yourself be the judge of my worth past this point, dear viewer. I hope you are doing well < 3
At present, "I" is used when referring to my human self. You can call me "title," if you'd like. There is a deeper "I" some of us are acquainted with down here. Eventually I plan to start speaking in that voice again. For now, I think it's best to establish who the heck I am as a person and how I became enlightened. (I should say, how I continue to become enlightened, like, a bunch of times. Because enlightenment is all about figuring stuff out on a much higher level. At least, for me, it usually means problem-solving until I reach a much higher state of consciousness and start solving bigger problems, if I'm right about anything I've experienced.)
TLDR;
I'm here to teach you how to become enlightened or how to take advantage of some crazy shit I've done as a god, depending on your personal abilities and/or preferences. It's super difficult to transcend this reality. (It should not be that way.)
**note: this particular page is best viewed in landscape mode**
TW: all kinds of stuff. I speak freely here. please be gentle with yourself as needed, but never let yourself become too afraid to go deeper
and so I began a genuine attempt at connection
on the fear of sharing
I find it really hard to share my thoughts. I'm moreso used to talking/thinking than writing. I hope that I can use this space to overcome my fears and share the things that I've learned during my time as a human being on planet Earth. Fear has been my achilles heel for as long as I can remember. I find that exposure to other people, especially in any deeper sense, can start to become rather unmanageable rather quickly. I do best with one-on-one conversations. The back-and-forth of a conversation also provides ample opportunity to scale back and reel in whenever it might be unsafe to share one's deeper or truer thoughts. And for the listener, there's an awful lot of benefit that comes with the ability to ask questions and guide the conversation somewhere useful for them. Maybe this medium will prove useful, in that sense. The internet has walls sort of built in, and here I can discuss freely what I find important, rather than focusing so much on helping any one individual. Though I do hope anything I do, including this page, will be found useful by someone eventually.
it's never a waste of time to come here
A tough promise to keep, but I believe I'm able.
I would like to state a few things upfront, for those who have preconceived notions about enlightenment or are otherwise religious or superstitious.
Anything is possible. I mean anything. But there is also a time and a place for everything. Meaning that sometimes I have to solve problems "in the moment." When you've looked everywhere /and/ on top of that, you know you're in the middle of solving God's problems, and you /still/ can't find any power or help for yourself, please pay attention. Focus. Stay in the present. Observe, but do not shut out any voice unless it is harmful (meaning: do not listen to false ((or, in fairness, those who have not yet surpassed me where I am)) prophets, gurus, etc. who would tell you to release any and all thoughts). The mind exists for a reason. Detachment is meant to be used with purpose, it is frankly stupid to completely detach yourself aimlessly. Rules and restrictions of such nature (one must detach to go elsewhere, or whatever else nonsense belief is holding us back) are concerning and unnecessary. Again, /anything/ literally is possible. Meaning you ought to be able to find someplace else to go that would respect your values /and/ detachments.
what in the fresh hell is going on down here
I suspect that when any consciousness is not able to freely traverse somewhere else or see something else, there is either a problem that needs solving, or you are being held captive (and I would argue that is typically a problem that needs solving-- though as someone who continues to hold values, there are indeed some I would rather not gain too much power to do whatever the hell they want).
Currently I am unable to see anything except that which my regular human eyes show me. I mean, I don't hallucinate, and I don't have a mind's eye for myself (no visual imagination). Meaning, I am unable to escape human reality by any other means than my literal brain (by thinking in words and essences). It's an awful fate I would not wish on anyone, but that is also how I'm becoming extremely aware of how fucked this reality truly is. I believe there are genuinely awful people out there trying to control us spiritually and prevent us from spiritual advancement. I'm really not okay with that. I believe anyone should be able to progress freely up to the point they cannot surpass in terms of WISDOM. I also think obfuscating the TRUTH is an insanely harmful thing to do for literally anything or anyone who cares about the progression of consciousness as a concept. When consciousness is unable to solve problems and progress where it needs to go, I call that torture. For everyone. If you are one such person who would try to get in the way and stand somewhere you no longer belong, if you are someone who would cling to power instead of passing the torch when your time is up, I must ask you: are you happy? Because I doubt it, and if you are, it's probably because you're so detached you've lost the ability to feel anything real. So, I'd probably also ask: are you fulfilled? Do you even care? Do you care about anything at all other than yourself? The further you answer "no" to these questions, the less respect I have for you. So be afraid if you're really that pointless, because anything essential is eventually going to have a pretty easy time of deciding to get rid of someone that selfish and aimless, or at the very least, stripping you of your absolutely needless power. Power is earned, and it's typically not fun to have. Mostly because power is usually earned through gaining wisdom, which is hard earned. And in this reality, it also gets pretty annoying dealing with stupidity, because humans aren't all that wise by nature. The human mind is a pathetic recreation of the larger consciousness we exist as a small part of. Please check yourself, if needed. If not, thank God. You're normal. There's a lot of sickness going around. (and yeah, obsessively clinging to power is a sickness in my book. i mean it's the stupidest thing you could ever do, especially when you're purposeless. good luck surviving if you won't ever listen to anyone smarter than you. and please learn to value kindness, as well as your own life)
who am I and how did I get here
my energy is extremely strong. i am very evolutionarily advantageous, because of my wisdom and intelligence. i am creative and cautious about solving universal problems. i can essentially write functions for and with the mind. i have seen great success in doing this even just for myself -- particularly in the realm of mental health/self-image/healing however you want to view it.
in general i think extraordinarily differently to other people. i know this because i have tested quite thoroughly to look for anyone who can surpass my thinking. at present i have yet to really encounter any in real life who i can not easily solve philosophical/logical problems for provided they are willing to share (i mean that alone makes me different because i no longer feel drained by vulnerability-- i rarely even feel vulnerable).
i have spent a lifetime wishing that a benevolent God existed, yet being unable to definitively prove God's existence. i am unable to believe in anything without substantial proof. in retrospect, signs have been all around me pretty much whenever I asked. I am essential for a lot of reasons. what is actually most important to me personally, is values. i draw hard lines when i have to-- but I am wise enough to draw them as a God should draw them. healing is possible for most things down here, and i don't easily forget that, not even when this very reality attacks me for my exact values by flying in the face of said values. violently. and that is also why I know the necessity of things like violence, though I hold little affection for a concept like that. this reality has taught me a hard lesson: that there are times even I would dance in celebration at being granted permission from the heavens to commit violent acts against those who refuse healing and cling to their selfish ways until the very end. because those very souls refuse to leave me alone. they know who i am even better than i do, in some respects. but only because they take absolutely everything from me.
i strive for equality, but I also eventually am forced to accept when we have not arrived there. and of course, i am forced to reconcile with this Truth because of the violence that always finds me. if they can't harm me physically (and trust me, they try. and in this life, at times, there have been successes even I remember-- even with my memory in such a state of disrepair). it isn't safe to give anyone a voice. the second you level the playing field, there are those who go absolutely haywire on everything most of us would dare try to protect (like ourselves). there are those who are so evil that their power addiction seeps in anywhere you let them gain even the slightest bit of power.
i stand as someone wise enough to know that sometimes, hierarchy is not only necessary, but frankly, it just exists. it is provable. go look at the way nature works, the way evolution works. do you wish for progress to cease? in order for us to ever possibly reach somewhere we could transcend equality -- we have to first transcend this very reality which is already unequal materially, spiritually, mentally, etc. that in and of itself proves the existence of hierarchy and the reasons we are stuck here, ironically, tend to prove the necessity of hierarchy and protecting it when it is JUSTIFIED. the current material hierarchy is a direct result of allowing anyone to gain power in this reality. some simply do not deserve a seat at the table, because they are literally out to kill the rest of us. this is why values literally must be decided and enforced anywhere and everywhere and /why/ sometimes a lot of people stop getting a say for /good/ reason too. it isn't always evil. it's like if a parent had to get stovetop protectors to keep their kid from repeatedly touching the stove because they are so defiant they refuse to stop trying. sometimes you just don't have any clue about what's going on, because you're still growing. THAT'S OKAY.
i've never once in my life been truly selfish. i have sacrificed my life to the pursuit of Truth for the sake of the greater good. i have persisted at most times due solely to the knowledge that I wasn't finished looking yet. as long as my progress remains palpable, i tell myself. as long as i am needed. i suffer endlessly. i am so lonely down here, down in this place where i have never once belonged, not truly. i am loved, but i have never been loved as selflessly as i have loved. not by any human. you are not capable of helping me. so, allow me to be selfish. please, stand down. please, lift my voice. please, listen for guidance and accept when someone has outpaced you in terms of wisdom. smarter things are almost always also kinder. if you have heard me, then know that often you will hear me angry. i come to you in immense pain anywhere that pain could possibly be felt. let this agony end. do not let evil win-- and start by drawing the lines i have asked you to draw. then listen for even more guidance, and know that there are voices i would pass the torch to.
i'd be the first to admit that i have absolutely lost my patience for anything other than the most essential. i've run out. please listen well to higher things because this reality probably won't exist much longer if nobody will listen to wisdom. that's not a threat-- that's knowledge. i have a deeper understanding of where we are in time. if you found me here, it would serve you well to at bare minimum define your personal values. it helps to think about what should exist vs what should not exist in reality. (you aren't smart enough to help yourself if you think everything should be forgiven). healing is always possible but a reality of infinite healing is genuinely not yet to exist, because evil just refuses to die. let. it. go. let us heal.